A lot of people imagine that the life of engaged couples planning their wedding is all wine and roses, but not many people really understand how difficult it can be until they actually reach that point in their own relationships. If you want to start your lives together on a positive note, there are wedding planning issues that both you and your fiancé couple should be aware of (and agree on) to prevent things from getting heated.
Remember, how you address the challenges you face together when planning your wedding will likely carry over into your marriage. In this article, we will discuss some of the most common wedding planning conflicts as well as possible resolutions to those issues.
Issue #1: Prenups
Understandably, prenups generally cause a relatively large amount of anxiety between couples during the planning process. However, they are something that absolutely should be done in this day and age, given the increasing amount of people getting married later in life, entering second (or third) marriages, already having kids from previous relationships, etc. These legal documents are made so that both you and your fiancé will know exactly what you will be entitled to in the event that your marriage ends. Although feelings of distrust or non-commitment may arise when discussing this sensitive issue, realize that prenups are there to help both of you move on if the unthinkable happens. The ladies at ‘The Real’ have a pretty good discussion on this issue below (worth a look).
Issue #2: Personal Space
Another common issue that comes with being engaged is that you feel as though your personal space is being invaded more often than you may be comfortable with. The reality is that with family and friends over as well as planners and vendors, you should expect this to occur a large portion of the time when fully engaged in the planning process. If you ever feel trapped you should try to sit down, breathe, and focus on what this is all for: a memorable and special day. Just like in other issues mentioned in this article, this issue will carry over into the marriage until you (as a couple) find the ‘right’ amount of time to spend together. Remember, the concept of personal space is a moving target that changes as your relationship evolves, and many couples take years to figure this out, so don’t give up!
Issue #3: Design Aesthetics
One of the common issues that engaged couples encounter when jointly planning their wedding is aesthetics. Basically, this is when one person wants to decorate a certain way (colors, patterns, themes, style, etc) and the other person wants to decorate another way. When this occurs, the both of you need to sit down, talk things out, and compromise (this will be great practice for when future disagreements happen). Learn how to share the power so that both of you can have what you want on your memorable day. If at all possible, try to rate how important you consider each design element on a scale of 1 to 10 to help prioritize what should and shouldn’t be incorporated into the wedding.
Issue #4: Becoming “Bridezilla” or “Groomzilla”
Some brides unfortunately enter what is commonly called a “bridezilla” phase at some point during the planning process when the wedding becomes more important than what it symbolizes. Females are emotional as it is and placing them in a situation like planning a wedding can really force their hormones to act out of sync. TV shows have even been created to capture this extreme behavior, such as the clip below:
Men: if/when this occurs, simply understand where your bride is coming from and do your best to help her feel at ease with the situation. For a taste of bridezilla behavior (and peoples reaction to this), ABC filmed a great segment of ‘What Would You Do’, seen below:
A new trend has also appeared over the last few years of men exhibiting “groomzilla” behavior. Just as research shows that men are more involved than ever in planning their wedding (great!) some men are taking the concept to an extreme and micromanaging the process (not so great).
Issue #5: Unwanted Friends
Friends usually become an issue for engaged couples when one person wants to invite someone who their fiancé doesn’t necessarily approve of. Honestly, we all know a friend or two that our significant other doesn’t like. While this is a legitimate issue, it should NOT be handled in such a way that one of you will feel resentful of the other years after the wedding. A quick (but very relatable) read on how not to handle unwanted guests can be found here.
The key is (you guessed it) managing the situation together. If you feel as though the friend is going to become a negative factor in the planning process or wedding, then sit down and speak to your fiancé about your concerns. Remember that you may be sharing your lives together, but you are still individuals. Properly handled, you will either have to accept that the friend in question is important enough to your fiancé that they have to attend, or you BOTH will let them know in a tactful and respectful manner that they cannot.
Issue #6: Bringing Up The Past
Last but not least, many engaged couples are going to fight about the past- especially as the “big day” gets nearer. Words like “Grow up” or “Remember when…” may come up more than once. Realize that these are emotional outbursts that rarely have anything to do with how the other person really feels. If your fiancé is bringing up things in the past then he or she may simply feel stressed out. The best way to ‘re-center’ them is by consistently offering to help out and letting them know how much you love them. This will ease the tension associated with not only the past, but the present planning process. As with other items in this article, it is also a great way for you to treat each other every day of your marriage!
Getting married? We hope this list helps you learn what challenges lie ahead and to keep things in perspective! Can you think of any other major issues that couples face when planning their weddings? How did you feel is the best way to address them?