What do bells, love, hurt feelings, and occasional fighting all have in common? These are all things that come up when planning a wedding. Most couples don’t realize that amount of stress and anxiety that comes with putting together such a special day in their lives.
But as most married couples would probably agree, in-laws can cause many problems when planning a wedding. Luckily, there are ways to diffuse these situations so that you can make your memorable day much more…well, memorable. Let’s take a look at what those issues are as well as ways they can be overcome in a way that will preserve your (soon to be) family’s unity.
Learn to Compromise
While there may be no winning against your in-laws, it can be possible to compromise. If they are helping pay for the wedding then this is something that you will need to do. Unfortunately, compromising is the last thing that anyone wants when it comes to planning a wedding. The best thing that you can do is listen, agree, and offer feedback. After all, this is your wedding and as badly as your in-laws want to see it play out a certain way, the choice is ultimately yours and your fiancé’s.
Solution: Effective communication is very important when learning how to compromise with your in-laws. For example, sometimes they may want to invite guests that you aren’t particularly fond of, or they may push for a more expensive alternative without proposing more money. In situations like these, it is okay to respectfully listen to their suggestions before deciding to decline. However, if they are helping pay for the wedding, there will be a relatively large amount of compromise that will need to be done.
Talk Before Spending
If your in-laws are helping you pay for your wedding then don’t go off and pay for things without speaking with them first. This includes deciding on and spending (even if it is just paying deposits for those services) just to avoid confrontation with your in-laws. Not only is this rude, but it can cause a significant amount of tension between that side of the family and you. Realize that following this course of action will more often than not cause more problems than it solves.
Solution: The best way to handle this is to speak with your in-laws beforehand and you should run into far fewer issues in this department when you are planning your wedding.
Ask Their Opinion
Conflict in the planning process typically occurs when one party isn’t being informed about what is going to happen with the wedding. In-laws want to feel as though they are helping plan an important day in both you and your fiancé’s lives. Even if you didn’t think that they would have a problem with your planning decisions, realize that the majority of fights that occur during the planning process of a wedding happen because someone is misunderstood or because someone got their feelings hurt.
Solution: Everyone likes to feel appreciated, so ask your in-laws what they think about your wedding and where you and your fiancé can make changes. Not only will this help them feel like they are being heard, but it will prevent possible fights from occurring if you go another route.
When They Aren’t Helping Pay
It is important to state at this point that if your in-laws are not helping pay for the wedding then you and your fiancé can go ahead and call all of the shots without financial repercussions. By all means, listen to the ideas that your in-laws have in mind for your wedding, but you can have the final say without feeling guilty or feeling somehow wrong about it.
In-laws can cause a few problems when you are planning your wedding, and it can be especially frustrating when they are helping pay for it. Luckily, there are some easy ways to diffuse these kinds of situations, the best of which are listening to their opinions, providing feedback on their input, and most importantly, doing what will make you and your fiancé the happiest (everyone’s ultimate goal).
Are there any times where you (or someone you know) had to negotiate with your in-laws while planning your wedding? Did finances have any effect on the process, and if so, how much?